Turmoil
by MaryRussellgrl
Summary: The ups and downs of a relationship. (Warning: This story has a part that deals with suicidal thoughts)


The sight of Brass waving from his hospital was overwhelming. I cried in the hallway feeling exhausted as the last few days hit me.

The others walked away talking happily, but I stayed watching Grissom and Brass talk. Grissom walked out looking relieved and tired. He rubbed his head feeling exhausted to.

He looked over at me as I stood looking at him. He walked over slowly. I looked in at Brass as he talked to a nurse.

"What are you doing here?" He asked

"I can't leave."

"It's late. I think we all deserve some sleep." He said

I nodded feeling my walls break down. He watched me cry holding my hand over my mouth. I felt his eyes on me and I was instantly ashamed of showing weakness.

I looked over at him seeing he was shocked. He watched me walk quickly passed him. I went outside taking some breaths making my way to my car. I went to open my door when a hand stopped me. I looked over seeing Grissom. He looked at me in concern.

I shook violently as he made me let go of the door. He stepped closer hugging me. I broke down again feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. He didn't speak, but his embrace was comforting.

His usual uncomfortableness was gone as he rubbed my back. I settled into a fog as he moved back placing his hands on my cheeks as he searched my eyes.

"I'll take you home."

I went without a fight. He put me into his car and we drove to my apartment. He walked with me to my door taking my keys away to unlock it. I stared at the door then at him.

"You better get some sleep." He said "You okay?"

I nodded still in a fog. He watched me seeing that my eyes were glazed over.

"Do you want me to stay?"

I nodded letting him open my door leading me inside. He laid down on my couch pulling me down. I moved facing him hiding my face in his chest as his arms went around me. He sighed closing his eyes wanting to protect me.

Grissom moved hours later seeing it was daytime. He looked around stretching feeling me move against him.

I opened my eyes seeing him looking back at me. His hand touched my cheek moving my hair from my face.

"Sara." He said, gently.

I shivered as he slid his fingers down my cheek then to my lips.

"What am I going to do with you?"

"I don't know." I said

"I can see pain in your eyes."

"It's been a tough few weeks." I said

He took a breath nodding.

"Grissom, can I ask you something?"

"Yes."

I watched his eyes follow his finger as he let it travel along my chin to my cheek.

"What is wrong with me?"

His eyes met mine.

"What do you mean?"

"You can't love me, but you can love Sophia."

"I don't love her, Sara."

"What is wrong with me?

My voice cracked as I looked at him.

"How do you feel about me?"

He looked at me opening his mouth not knowing what to say. I sat up sniffing wiping a tear away. I stood walking to the kitchen. He sat up watching me go then he looked down. I got some water drinking it as he walked in.

"Why don't we just….say this is it and go our separate ways?" I said

"You know I can't do that." He said "I need you."

I looked at him.

"I need to get away." I said

"Sara."

I wiped my face looking down.

"I always seem to mess this up." I said, going past him to the bedroom. He looked at where I was standing hearing the door close.

The next shift I put in a request to move to day shift. Grissom sat at his desk looking at it as he sat back in his seat.

I was coming out of the breakroom seeing him stop looking at me.

"I signed the request." He said

He walked by me as I watched him go broken hearted.

I felt broken starting my first week on day shift. Everyone noticed something was wrong with me, but I knew that this was for the best.

One day I walked up to a car on the side of the road seeing Sophia standing next to it.

"What do we have?" I asked, eyeing her.

"A woman in her mid-twenties." She said, following me over to the driver's side looking in at the dead woman lying back in the seat bloodied.

"There are tire tracks going south. My guess is hit and run." She said, before her phone going off. "Excuse me."

I watched her walk away answering.

"Hey babe." She said

I looked at her.

"Yeah, I am just here at a scene with Sara." She said, looking back at me. "I know, I meant to wake you. I am sorry."

I felt sick once I realized it was Grissom.

"That sounds great. See you then."

She walked back over smiling at me.

"Sorry about that."

I nodded looking at the woman in the car.

"How's that going?" I asked

"Great, it's hasn't been easy, but I think we are back on track. The problem is he doesn't open up much."

I took at breath wishing I had never asked. She left me to work the scene. My mind was not on the case.

My headache had become overwhelming as I walked to the locker room getting aspirin out of my locker. I closed it seeing Grissom come in seeing me. He glanced at me as he opened his locker. I took the aspirin winching at the bitterness of them.

I sat down drinking water out of a bottle. He closed his locker leaning against it as he looked at me.

"Hey." He said

"Hey." I said, standing.

"So how is day shift?"

"Great, I love it." I said, throwing the bottle away in the trash by the wall then walking over.

"Good."

He continued to stare at me as I fidgeted.

"I should go home." I said

He moved allowing me to go past. I glanced back at him before leaving.

I came back the next day walking into the morgue where Doctor Robbins was waiting. He looked at me as I walked over looking at the woman lying on the table with a sheet up to her chest.

"Was it a hit and run?" I asked

"I found evidence of that. Her chest is crushed and one of her knees is broken. That's only the half of it."

"What do you mean?" I asked

"I noticed that she had some broken bones in her face and upper torso."

"Meaning abuse?"

"Yes." He said

I looked down at the woman feeling the familiar pain I felt when woman were abused.

I worked later than I was supposed to on the case. I looked at the car in the garage hearing someone come in. I looked over seeing Grissom walking in slowly.

"Working late?" He asked

"Yeah."

He nodded flexing his jaw.

"Robbins told me about your case. He was concerned."

"I'm fine." I said, looking at the front end with a flashlight.

"Are you?" He asked

"Yes." I said, not looking at him.

He looked at the car as I looked at him then at the car.

"Does your supervisor know you are working late?"

"Are you going to tell on me?" I asked, standing.

"No." He said

"Look, I can handle this. I will go home later."

"Sara, you're starting to become obsessed with this."

"I am working on a case!" I said

We looked at each other. I sighed looking at the car.

"I don't need you to tell me what I am doing anymore. I am working on this case and I will go home when I want to."

"Okay." He said, before leaving. I sat down on my stool sadly looking down.

The next night I was in a lab room looking at photos of the scene. I scratched my head trying to think. Grissom walked by looking in seeing me. He stopped looking in. I held my head up with my hand looking at the tire marks on the road. Grissom walked in standing at the door.

"Sara, this is the second time you have worked over. You need to go home." He said

"I can't." I said

He sighed coming closer.

"You okay?" He asked

I shook my head hearing him walk over looking at the pictures.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't see anything new."

"You need to go home."

I shook my head sighing.

"Sara, you're exhausted."

"Someone has to help this woman!"

"Not without rest." He said

I rubbed my head looking down. He watched me as he gently put his hand on my back rubbing it.

"Something is here; I am just not seeing it." I said

"Sara."

"I need to think." I said "I'll get some coffee."

He watched me collect all the pictures walking out. I entered the break room getting a cup. Grissom walked in as I drank coffee then walked over to a table sitting down spreading them over the table.

He walked over sitting down beside me. He rested his head against a hand as he looked at me.

"Sara, do you remember what I said to you on the last case you worked day and night on?"

I looked at him shaking my head.

"I told you that you can't let cases become your entire life. You need an outlet."

"I have to do this." I said

"I know you feel obligated to solve these cases, but you're letting yourself burn out."

"No, I am not."

He did something out of character reaching over touching my cheek. I stared at him in shock.

"Honey, you are so tired and thin. I am worried about you."

Just then Greg came in seeing Grissom. I felt his hand leave my cheek as he stood looking at Greg.

"Grissom, can you come help me?"

"I'll be there in a moment."

Greg nodded running out. Grissom looked at me as I looked at him His hand came to my shoulder then he walked out.

"You called me honey." I said, to myself

I didn't see him for a few days. Sophia walked into Grissom's room fuming after coming back from a case.

"You look upset." Grissom said, watching her pace.

"Gil, I have had it with Sara!"

"Why?" He asked, sitting back in his seat.

"She and I went to the house that the victim and her husband lived. I walked in with her to have a conversation with the husband and she went crazy! The husband and she got into a fight!"

"Is she all right?"

"He pushed her and she fell back. I have to report this to her supervisor."

"I'll tell him."

She watched him go out to find me. I came out of the ladies room seeing him coming over.

"Grissom, I…."

He grabbed my arm pulling me down the hallway to my supervisor's room. Scott Phillips looked up as Grissom and I went in.

"Gil, what's wrong?"

"Sophia told me that Sara had an incident with the husband at the victim's home."

I stared at Grissom then at Scott.

"What kind of incident?" Scott said

Grissom looked at me waiting.

"It was just a misunderstanding."

"Why do I think it was more than that?" He said

"He beat her and I just wanted to know why." I said

"Go on."

I sighed looking down.

"He pushed me down and I fell."

"Did you do anything to him?"

"No."

Grissom looked at Scott who stood walking around his desk looking at me.

"Did you?"

"I got up and pushed him back."

"Okay, then your off the case."

"You can't do that!" I said, looking at him.

"Sara, you are lucky not to be on suspension!"

I opened my mouth to say something, but he looked at me sternly.

"You can go home and think about this."

I looked at Grissom then I ran out slamming the door. Grissom looked at Scott who rubbed his head sighing.

I went outside walking to the corner of the building pacing. I slid down the wall sitting down. Holding my head in my hand I felt like I failed her.

Someone walked over kneeling down touching my knee.

"You okay?" Grissom asked

"I don't want to talk to you!"

"Sara, you were out of control."

I stood holding onto the wall looking at him.

"You took my case away from me. Now I can't help her!"

"Sara, I am worried about you."

"I could have brought her justice, but instead I have been replaced. I hate you for doing this, Grissom!"

He looked at me hurt. I walked by him to my car. He watched me stop on the curb looking down then I stepped down getting my keys out.

I went home hitting my door as I leaned my head against it. I called in sick the next shift.

A few hours later, I sat drinking beer on the couch. My gun rested on the coffee table next to a bottle. I looked at it hearing the doorbell. Getting up, I opened the door seeing him standing looking at me.

"Can we talk?" He asked

"No."

"Please?"

I moved as he came in. I walked into the living room sitting down as he came in stopping as he saw the beer bottles and my gun.

"Have a seat?" I said

He carefully sat down in a chair looking at the gun. I moved taking it putting it down beside me.

He watched me drink from a bottle then look at him.

"So you said you wanted to talk?"

"Yes, I do."

"Go ahead."

His eyes went back to my gun.

"Why is that here?" He asked

I looked over at it then at him.

"Sara, give me your gun."

"No." I said

"Please."

I took it in my hands looking at it.

"It's mine."

He slid over to sit near me holding his hand out.

"Just give it to me."

"What do you think I am going to do?"

"Sara, this is serious."

I looked at him seeing he was scared.

"If I did it then you wouldn't have to worry anymore. Sophia and you could get married."

"I know you don't want to do this." He said

I looked at my gun again.

"Just let me have it."

His hand reached over slowly taking it away from me. I watched him look at it setting the safety then he put it on the table beside him. He looked at me.

"You can't help me." I said

"I want to help you."

"I am a lost cause." I said "You should go."

He reached over touching my arm.

"Sara, I can't let you say that."

"It's true."

He shook his head.

"You are not a lost cause."

"Then what am I?"

He moved back onto the couch pulling me over till I was lying against his chest.

"Sara, you are so important to the lab…and to me."

I moved looking at him.

"How can I be to you?"

"I would feel terrible if something happened to you."

"Oh." I said, moving away looking down. "I keep hoping you'd say that you love me."

When he didn't answer I got up only to be pulled down. Grissom touched my cheek as I took a shaky breath.

"If I could say that I would, but I can't."

A tear went down my cheek.

"If I let myself say that, I would be hurting us both."

"Please say it just once." I asked

His hand left my cheek.

"I can't."

I shook feeling more tears slide down my cheek. He watched me get up throwing a bottle against the wall. It shattered making him jump.

I started to sob holding my head. Grissom got up pulling me to him. I moved, but he kept me close.

"I am so sorry." He said

I kept crying as he looked at the door to the bedroom.

"You need sleep."

He got me to lie down then he walked out sitting on the couch thinking. He walked back into the lab holding my gun. Catherine walked over seeing him.

"Cath, I need to talk to someone." He said

"Okay."

She walked with him into his office. He set my gun down on the desk as she walked over.

"What's going on?" She asked

He sat down in his chair.

"Sara is very troubled right now."

"Gil?"

"I found her on her couch with this gun out."

Catherine sat down in a chair.

"I honestly thought she was going to do something."

"What happened?"

"I stopped her and then… I tried to tell her I cared."

"I take it she didn't come over to your side?"

"Cath, I love her." He said

"I knew that."

He looked at her.

"Did you tell her?"

"No, I told her I couldn't…do anything."

"Gil, if you love her, tell her."

"This is not territory I am used to."

"That's good. It means you're not a robot."

He gave her a look.

"You deserve happiness and she does to. You have loved her since she came here. I think it's time to let it out."

She stood looking at him.

"I won't tell anyone about this." She said

"Thank you."

He took in her words thinking about me. I woke up a few hours before I had to go to work. I got up feeling foggy. I walked out seeing my house had been cleaned and my gun was gone.

"Grissom." I said

I drove to Grissom's knocking on his door. He opened it seeing me. I was taken back seeing he looked adorable rumpled with sleep.

"Hey, you have my gun."

He rubbed his face trying to focus on my words.

"Yes, I do. It stays with me." He said

"I have to work."

"In the lab."

"You did that?"

"Yes."

I sighed looking at him.

"Why?"

"I wanted to watch you."

"We don't even work together."

"Scott, signed your transfer yesterday. You're working with me now."

My mouth opened looking at him.

"Don't be late." He said

I watched him close his door and I just stood there. I came in later feeling weird about being on night shift. Grissom was in his office with my gun on his desk. He looked at me as I came in.

"Well, I am here." I said

"I see that."

I looked at my gun reaching for it. He touched my hand stopping me.

"Close the door."

I looked at him then I walked back shutting the door. He was standing by his desk leaning against it looking at me.

"I don't bite." He said

I slowly walked over. He reached over touching my hand.

"Grissom, what are you doing?"

"Come closer." He said

I looked at him confused. He put his other hand on my arm.

"I think we should start over again."

"Start over."

"Yes, I ended my relationship with Sophia."

"What?" I said

"That doesn't matter to me. You do. That is why I want to start over."

"How?"

"Well, this is a start."

His hand went up my arm gently. I swallowed as he looked at me testing my reaction.

"What are you thinking?" He asked

"I don't know. This is new to me."

He stood up coming closer to me. I trembled feeling him lean in kissing me. I moaned as his lips moved against mine. His hands went to my upper arms holding me still. He moved back as I opened my eyes looking at him.

"What are you thinking?" I asked

"I am thinking about you."

"I'm confused."

"Sara, I do love you. I always have."

"Why didn't you say that before?"

"I didn't say it before because I don't want to end our careers."

"I love you to." I said

"If we do this then we can't tell anyone. We need to act normal around here. Boss and employee."

"Okay." I said

He nodded watching me smile touching his coat. I left feeling lighter. Grissom loved me and it meant everything to me.

I walked into the breakroom seeing the gang talking waiting for their assignments. Catherine walked over to me touching my arm.

"How are you doing?" She asked

"Good." I said

"I was worried about you."

"I have had some rough days."

She nodded.

"Do me a favor?"

"What?"

She got closer to whisper.

"Be patient with Grissom. This is new to him. He loves you."

"How did you know?" I asked whispering.

"I have known for years." She said, walking away.

I watched her go then I sat down thinking about what she said.

Grissom came in looking around the room. I barely heard him giving out assignments.

"Sara?"

Grissom walked over looking at me.

"Hey!" He said, making me jump. "You okay?"

I stood taking a breath.

"Yeah."

He looked at me funny then he gave me a paper.

"You're with me tonight."

"Great."

"I'll meet you outside in five minutes." He said

I nodded leaving as he did. I waited outside with my case looking around as he walked out with his case. He smiled at me moving to the back taking my case putting it in then he walked over opening my door. I got in then I watched him get in next to me. He looked at me then he started the engine.

We sat in silence as I looked outside. Grissom glanced at me then without a word he moved his hand over to mine. I jumped a little looking down at our hands.

He smiled at me as I looked at him. His fingers gently moved over mine.

"You're shaking." He said

"This is new to me." I said

"You don't have to be nervous."

I looked at him.

"I'll try not to be." I said

He turned down a road. I felt his hand leave mine so he could steer. The flashing police cars were up ahead. He stopped getting out as I did. I went back seeing him holding my case for me. I took it then walked to the front. He took my arm leading me up the hill seeing Sophia standing at the top.

"What do we got?" Grissom asked

She looked at him then at me. I felt awkward looking down.

"A dead body found shot." She said

I walked up with them seeing the man's head was half off. I grimaced getting closer. Grissom walked over to the other side.

"This was a brutal killing." He said

"So what do you think? He was left here by someone?" I asked

Grissom stood looking around.

"Tire marks lead to the road." He said

"Okay, so he was dumped here?"

"Looks like it." He said

"Grissom, can I talk to you….alone?" Sophia asked

"I'll be right back." Grissom said

He looked at her as they walked away. I looked at them then I went back to the guy.

Sophia stopped looking over at me then at him.

"What's wrong?" Grissom asked

"Gil, I know you're busy with a case, but I just wanted to tell you that I wish things had been different."

He looked at her seeing her disappointment.

"I better go." She said, walking away.

I watched him come back looking at me before kneeling down seeing I had the guys wallet out.

"His name is Ronald Houser. He's from New York."

"Long way from home." He said

"He had kids." I said, looking at a picture.

He looked at his shirt. I put his wallet in a bag then I looked at the man's head.

"Close range."

"Friend or Foe?" Grissom asked

"Friend."

Grissom looked at me.

"Why?"

"If it was a foe the man would have ducked or ran. A friend can come right up to you and you would not run away."

He nodded looking at the man.

Grissom and I walked back to the Tahoe. He helped me put evidence and our cases in the back. He closed the door looking at me. I watched him pull me against him.

He kissed me making my heart beat faster. I slid my hands up his back feeling him move. I put my head on his shoulder keeping my eyes closed.

"We should make a move." He said

I sighed feeling his hands leave my body. I lifted my head watching him go to his side as I walked over to the other.

Once the shift was over I was ready to leave. Grissom came outside looking around for me. I was at my car trying to unlock the door.

"Hey, are you going home?" He asked, walking over.

"Yes."

"Why don't you come over to my place?"

"Really?"

"Yes."

I looked at him in surprise.

"Okay."

"Great."

He walked off leaving me stunned. We parked beside each other outside his house. He got out watching me hesitantly walk over.

"You're nervous again." He said

I let him lead me to the door. He opened the front door allowing me inside. I was hit by coolness. He shut the door turning on some lights.

I watched him walk over getting his phone out.

"Take out?"

"Um….yes." I said

He nodded dialing a number looking at me as he waited.

I walked past him looking around. He finished calling and walked over seeing I was looking at a butterfly collection in his living room.

"Like it?" He asked

"I do."

"Me to." He said

"Did you do this?" I asked

"Yes."

I looked over at his desk seeing something familiar.

"You still have this fake spider I gave you?" I asked, touching it then I looked at him.

"It reminds me of you."

I looked at it feeling something rising up inside me after he said that. His hand touched my waist and I looked at him.

"Let's sit on the couch."

I sat down watching him join me. He gently pulled me closer to him. I moved sitting facing him. He touched my face.

"You are so beautiful." He said, gently.

"I never thought so."

"I think you are."

I smiled a little touching his shirt.

"Sara, what's wrong?"

"I don't know. I am feeling overwhelmed."

"You don't need to be. I won't pressure you into anything."

"I know." I said "One minute I am drinking beer with a gun in my hand and the next you are telling me you love me."

"I would rather not think about that. It scared me." He said

I laid my head against his chest. I closed my eyes breathing in his scent. He laid his head against mine.

"I need my Sara back. The way you were before all this mess started."

He lifted his head looking down at me seeing I was sleeping. He sighed watching me.

I woke to him moving.

"Food is here." He said, walking to the front door. I laid back on the couch yawning hearing the door close then he came in with the bag. I sat up watching him going through it handing me a container.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep." I said

"It's okay. I actually liked that part."

I smiled as he did before eating.

"So do you want to stay over?" He asked

I stopped chewing as he looked at me.

"Stay, as in stay?"

"Yes."

"With you?"

"I have a spare room or….you could stay with me."

"You're serious?"

He touched my hand.

"Sara, I am asking you to stay here."

"If you want me to."

"I do."

I started to chew again as he smiled at me. After our dinner he led me to the spare room door.

"I'd like to stay with you." I said

He searched my eyes nodding. We came into his room. I looked around as he got some pajamas for me.

"The bathroom is that door." He said, pointing behind him at the door.

"Thank you."

I went inside changing then I looked at myself in the mirror over his sink. I opened the door as he stood waiting. He looked me up and down as I tugged at the tee shirt he gave me to wear.

"What do you think?" I asked

"Adorable."

I smiled watching him go by shutting the door. I slowly walked over to the bed looking at it. He came out wearing his pajamas seeing me standing next to the bed looking at him. He walked over next to me.

"I sleep on the left." He said

"Okay."

I moved to the right watching him come to the other side looking at me. He got in watching as I got in then he turned off the light laying down. I looked over at him as he looked up at the ceiling.

"Thank you for letting me stay over."

"Your welcome." He said

"It's like a slumber party."

"I never had one." He said, looking over at me.

"I only went to one. Rachel Fields, fifth grade."

"What was it like?"

"They stole my underwear and put it in the freezer."

He chuckled a little as I looked at the ceiling.

"I never did have any friends. No one wants to be friends with the girl whose mother killed her father." I said "I was lonely."

"I'm sorry."

I looked at him.

He moved over putting his arms around me. I laid on my side against his chest. He kissed my head closing his eyes.

The next shift I worked alone in the lab while Grissom went to a meeting. He came back looking at me.

"Robbins is waiting for us."

"Oh."

I went out with him walking down the hallway. Grissom stopped me before walking in.

"How did you sleep last night?" He asked

"Great." I said

He smiled opening the door for me. Robbins waited by the table with the body on it.

"Tell us something we didn't know." Grissom said

"The victim was drowned."

"What?" I asked

"The man was in the desert." Grissom said

"He was drowned."

I looked at Grissom then at the other man.

"Okay, so you're telling us he drowned." Grissom said "What else?"

"He had a large number of sleeping pills in his stomach. They weren't fully dissolved."

"The guy takes sleeping pills, drowns, and is shot all in the same day?" I said

"Bad day." Grissom said

Grissom decided to check out where he was staying. We drove to a house on a street outside of town. Sophia walked with us to the front door.

Grissom opened the door putting on gloves as he walked in. I walked in smelling something rotten.

"What is that?" I asked

"Dead animal?" Grissom said

"Oh, it smells." I said, shining my light around.

"We didn't find anything." Sophia said, as she stood at the door.

Grissom walked into the living room sniffing the air.

"It smells strong in here." He said

I walked past him to the kitchen. I looked up hearing a noise up above us. Grissom walked to the front door motioning Sophia to come in. I looked at a door in on the right. I opened it gagging shutting it quickly. The smell inside was horrible. I held my breath looking in again seeing a pile of dead mice on the floor. I closed the door again gagging.

"Did you clear this place?" He asked

She got out her gun going up the stairs slowly. I went out the back door breathing in the air feeling sick.

Suddenly, glass broke above and I jumped seeing a man drop to the ground. I got my gun out as he got up in pain seeing me. Sophia and Grissom ran down the stairs to the kitchen. They went out back seeing he was gone.

"Where did he go?" She asked

"Where is Sara?" Grissom asked

Sophia looked at him then she ran over to a fence finding a way through.

"Gil, there's blood!" She said, before calling for backup.

Grissom ran over seeing the blood then he got through as well following her down a valley with trees.

"Sara!" Grissom shouted, looking around.

"Gil!" Sophia shouted

Grissom ran down the hill not seeing her.

"Where are you?!"

"Over to your right!"

Grissom ran over seeing her kneeling down over my body as she called for assistance. He knelt down seeing that my head was bleeding where a heavy object hit it. He touched my neck feeling a pulse.

"She's breathing." He said

Sophia stood looking around.

"He must have hit her and taken the gun."

Some cops came down seeing us.

"Fan out look for a man with a red shirt and jeans. He may be hurt and he has a gun!"

She knelt down looking at me. Grissom gently lifted me up against him. Sophia ran up getting a bottle of water for him. He opened it pouring it over my wound.

I moved moaning as he put the bottle to my mouth. I drank some coughing. Opening my eyes I looked at him.

"It's okay." He said

I closed my eyes again laying my head against his chest. He walked over later seeing me looking at him with a bandage over my head sitting on a stretcher on the street.

The paramedic looked over at him.

"She refused to go to the hospital." He said, quietly.

Grissom nodded walking over to me.

"Feeling better?" He asked

I nodded looking at him.

"Then you know what I am going to say?"

"Grissom, he was going to be gone by the time Sophia was going to be there!"

"You took an unnecessary risk. I should suspend you for this, but I need you."

"I'm sorry."

He looked at the bandage on my head then at me.

"Next time let the police handle this."

"I will."

"I think you should go to the hospital."

"No." I said, shaking my head.

"Sara."

"No."

He and I drove back to the lab. I still smelled the house in my clothes. We got out of the car and I went inside taking a shower.

Grissom was nowhere to be found so I took some aspirin. He came back seeing Greg walking over.

"Grissom, I was told to tell you that Sara went to lie down. She said something about a headache."

"Thank's."

I moved in the bed in the rest room. I could faintly hear the door opening and someone was quietly walking over. The blanket around me was pulled up then lips touched my head. I listened as the door closed and I opened my eyes.

I came out as shift ended seeing him walking around the corner stopping as he saw me.

"I was just about to wake you."

"I didn't mean to sleep that long."

"Ready to go home?"

"To your home?"

"Yes."

I nodded walking with him.

We got out walking to the front steps and he stopped me.

"Sara, what would you say to making this a permanent thing?"

I swallowed feeling excited.

"Yes!"

He smiled hugging me. After that I could not sleep. I laid on my side watching him instead. I got up feeling my head throb. I went into the kitchen getting some left over take out from the fridge eating it. I sat down at the counter on a stool eating a vegetarian egg roll when he came out.

"Having a picnic?"

"I couldn't sleep." I said

He nodded getting a plate. He put some food on it and then laid it in the microwave starting it. He looked at me as I ate another bite.

"Are you having second thoughts about moving in?"

"No, not really."

"You can say no."

I sighed rubbing my head.

"No, I want to. I can't sleep because of my head."

"Do you want some pills?"

"No." I said

He got his steaming plate eating with a fork across from me. He looked at me as he chewed. I put what was left of the egg roll in my mouth then I stood walking to the sink. I leaned back against the counter grasping it with both hands looking at him.

He finished eating putting his plate in the sink then he looked at me.

"Want me to give you a massage?" He asked

"I don't think that will help."

"Let's try it." He said

I laid in bed minutes later as he rubbed my back feeling me tense then relax into sleep. He smiled hearing my breathing slow then he laid down beside me turning the light off.

He woke the next day looking over seeing me still lying still beside him. He moved over touching my arm. I moved a little sighing then I laid still.

"Sara?"

"I am not awake." I said, muffled in the pillow.

He smiled moving my hair kissing my neck.

"It's time to wake up."

I felt him rub my back then he got up throwing the blankets off me. I groaned sitting up looking at him as he chuckled walking out of the room.

I looked at my head wound in the mirror seeing a large bruise with a stitched cut in the middle. I put a smaller bandage on it then I went out.

Grissom walked down the hallway looking at a file. He looked up seeing Ecklie walking over to him blocking his path.

"Gil, have you seen Nick?"

"No, why?"

"He is late for a meeting with me."

"Did you try to call him?"

"Yes, no answer."

"I'll find him."

Ecklie sighed not happy. Grissom walked by him looking for Nick. Nick put eye drops in his eyes as he came out of the locker room.

"Nick, you need to go see Ecklie." Grissom said

Nick grimaced remembering.

"Oh man, I forgot."

"Better go now." Grissom said

"Thanks." Nick said, running. Grissom shook his head walking on.

I rubbed my head seeing Grissom come into the lab room I was in. He smiled at me briefly then looked at the evidence on the table.

"Found anything?"

"No."

"Keep looking."

"I need a break."

"Sara, you just started."

"My head is killing me." I said

He looked at me noting I did look paler.

"Why don't you go get some pills and then sit for a moment?"

"Yeah, I think I will."

He watched me go then he looked at the evidence. I went to the locker room getting some pills then I went to the breakroom to drink some coffee. I sat down holding my head hearing movement in the room.

"Sara, what's wrong?" Catherine asked, as she walked in.

I lifted my head looking at her. She walked over seeing that I looked really pale.

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

"You look really sick."

"I'm fine."

She nodded looking me over. Grissom looked up seeing Catherine come in.

"Ah Gil, I just saw Sara. She looks really bad."

"Where is she?"

"Breakroom."

Grissom walked over seeing me coming out. I backed up as he walked closer.

"I was just coming back." I said

"I am taking you to the hospital."

"Grissom, I am fine."

"Meet me outside by the car."

He started to leave and I came out following him.

"Grissom!"

He turned looking at me.

"Sara, go!"

I stopped watching him go then I walked the other way. He said nothing driving me to the hospital. I watched him park then he got out opening my side motioning me out.

I got out feeling a sudden urge to vomit. He jumped back as I hunched over vomiting on the spot.

I moaned gagging again. Grissom waited as I stood back up wiping my mouth with my hand.

He took my arm walking to the emergency room. I rubbed my stomach as I waited at the desk. Grissom came over with a woman nurse.

"Miss. Sidle, I can take you back."

"Go with her Sara."

I looked at him as he nodded. I went with her slowly. I changed and was made to lie down in a bed. The doctor told Grissom that I had a concussion. He came in seeing me covered with a blanket looking tired.

"I don't want to be here." I said

He took my hand rubbing it.

"You need to get better."

"When can I leave?"

"They want to keep you here for now."

I groaned closing my eyes. He leaned over kissing my head.

"Honey, I need to go, but I will be back later."

I looked at him clutching his hand.

"Don't leave."

"I have to go back to the lab."

He let me go walking out. I watched him leave then I laid back feeling alone. He came back after shift seeing I was sleeping. He sat down reading for a while.

I opened my eyes a little seeing him. It comforted me that he was near. I went back to sleep. The next time I woke I saw someone I never thought I would see. Ecklie stood by the bed looking at me in a suit.

"Hello Sara."

"Hello." I said, looking around not seeing Grissom.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine, what are you doing here?"

He walked over closer to the bed.

"I need to talk to you actually."

"Me?"

"And Grissom."

I looked at him confused.

"I was notified that you and Grissom are involved in a relationship. Is this true?"

I looked at him trying to be calm.

"Just yes or no." He said

"No."

"You know what could happen to either of you if this is true."

"Yes, I know."

He nodded looking at me.

"Nothing is happening." I said

"I hope not for your sakes."

He left me and I laid back very upset. I didn't want to ruin both of our careers because of this. Grissom came back hearing that I had signed myself out early. He came into the room seeing me getting ready to leave.

"What are you doing?" He asked

"Leaving." I said

He stopped me from leaving looking at me.

"You should stay."

"I am leaving." I said, walking out. He followed me out to his car watching me climb inside. He got in looking at me.

"Sara, what's wrong?"

"Take me home."

"No, not until we…."

"We have to break up." I said, looking at him.

He looked at me surprised.

"What?"

"We have to break up now."

"Why?"

"I want out."

He looked at me confused.

"I don't understand."

"It's simple, I don't want to be with you anymore." I said, looking down. "Please take me home."

I felt his eyes on me then he started the engine. He parked outside of my apartment watching me get out then he came out following me. I reached my door looking at him.

"Thank you for the ride."

"Sara, I still don't understand. Why are you acting like this?"

I looked at him sadly.

"I can't tell you."

His hands went to my cheeks.

"Tell me what?"

"I have to go." I said, leaving him to go inside. He just stood still looking at my door. I slid down to the floor feeling my heart break.

I had some medical leave then I came back the next week. Grissom saw me come out of the locker room as he was walking in. I looked down as he watched me.

"Hey." He said

"Hey." I said

"Grissom." Ecklie called, walking over seeing us. "I want to see you in my office in half an hour."

"I should go." I said, leaving.

Grissom watched me go then he looked at Ecklie.

"Okay."

Ecklie walked away as Grissom went back to looking in the direction that I went.

Half an hour later Grissom came into the Ecklie's office closing the door sitting in a chair. Ecklie leaned back looking at him.

"So what did you need?" Grissom said

"I just want to ask you some questions about your relationship with CSI Sidle."

"What?"

"She didn't tell you?"

"No, she didn't." Grissom said "Conrad, I have an employee and supervisor relationship with Sara. Nothing more."

"I have a witness that said otherwise. You were seen hugging her outside after shift on Monday, June 5th." Ecklie said, opening a file. "There will be an investigation and if the claims are found to be true then I will have to put forth a solution."

Grissom sighed walking out of the office. He walked over to the breakroom seeing me drinking coffee standing at the counter. I looked over seeing him then I looked away.

"Sara, can I talk to you in my office please?"

"I have to get back to work."

"I want to go over your case."

He walked out as I walked out slowly. I came into his office closing the door looking at him as he stood from his desk chair walking around it to pull me against him kissing me. I moaned feeling his lips devour mine. He held me closer as I put my arms around him. He moved back searching my eyes.

"Sara, I love you."

I looked at him sadly.

"I know what is going on now."

"I don't want you to be fired."

"I won't be and even if that happens I can do lectures."

"No, I can't let you do that."

"Sara, I am not losing you."

I pushed back and he dropped his hands.

"No."

He watched me back up then escape.

I put in for day shift and he reluctantly signed it. Ecklie decided to close the investigation. I worked nonstop on cases. Every time I saw Grissom in the hallway coming into work I would walk past quickly.

We were told that night shift would be working with us on a big case out of town involving a train crash with several cars. I dreaded seeing him. My supervisor stood with Grissom talking to him as I walked over. Grissom looked at me as I stopped next to them.

"Where do you want me?" I asked

"I want you to go over the last car."

I nodded glancing at Grissom before walking back to the site. I walked over glancing back seeing Grissom was watching me still. I sighed leaning over the mangled car. I worked for hours then I went and sat down away from the site. I drank from a bottle of water looking at the other workers.

I looked over seeing Grissom helping Nick near the train. He shined his light up as Nick talked pointing. I felt a tear go down my cheek then another. I wiped them away standing walking away.

Grissom walked over seeing me walking off by myself. He walked over watching me turn seeing him.

"You okay?" He asked

"Yeah." I said, wiping my face.

He continued to look at me.

"I was just….on break."

"Are you crying?"

"Something is in my eye." I said

"Sara." He said

I looked at him wishing he would leave.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

I looked down hearing him come closer.

"Well I am." I said, looking at him.

His hand went to my cheek and I closed my eyes.

"You look tired."

I opened my eyes.

"Working does that to you."

"Are you eating?"

"Yes." I said "I have to get back to that car."

He put his hand on my arm. I looked down at his hand then at him.

"Let me go." I said, gently.

He let me go then watched me leave.

We all packed up getting to the vehicles. I laid my head against the car window thinking about Grissom. After work I drove to his house sitting looking at his front door. I ran up the stairs thinking about knocking then I stopped. I paced trying to tell myself that this was a mistake. I started to come down his stairs stopping as I saw him standing at the bottom looking at me.

I came down stopping at the last step.

"What are you doing here?" He asked

"I…came to see you."

"Here I am." He said

I stepped down looking at him.

"Are you okay?" He asked

"No." I said

"What's wrong?" He asked, concerned.

"I don't feel good inside."

"Me neither."

"Perhaps we should talk about it."

He looked at his watch.

"It is late and we are both tired. Why don't we talk about later?"

"When we wake up?"

"Exactly."

I smiled feeling him take my hand.

"Okay."

He smiled taking me up. I woke up beside him in bed hours later. He laid on his side facing me breathing in and out slowly. I reached over poking him in the chest. He opened his eyes seeing me.

"So are we going to talk?" I asked

He smiled then he looked at his watch.

"You have to work soon. I don't think we can."

I moved over kissing him. He kissed me moving over top of me.

"I think we are beyond talking." He said

"Does this mean we can be together again?"

"Yes."

He got off me getting up. I smiled at him as he went out to make coffee. I laid back in the bed feeling excited and happy to be back.


End file.
